be it th dating scandals or idols leaving th company, i think as a fan no matter what we do, we have to support their decisions. i mean they're human as well. that's of no doubt. but then there are certain fans that act in a way that it seems like its th idol's fault for being human. i dont understand why, th reason other people give? its cause they're too young to understand. too young to understand what? on that idols are human too? i dont think that is a legit excuse.
When EXO confirmed their concert date in SG, im like do i really want to go for th concert. after all that has happened, my thoughts of leaving this fandom has increased. do i really want to be labelled as one of th ridiculous fans that doesnt allow my idols to be human? maybe not, but at th same time, so many fans are leaving them due to th fact that Baek is dating. do i wanna leave them as well at their lowest point? i agree that this fandom has gone through so much shyt just within 2 years of debut. but then, this is no excuse, SONEs went through things that are as bad and we never left SNSD. this puts me in a dilemma. A VERY CONFUSING ONE.
i've been drifting away from KPOP for awhile. its like i dont find th need to keep myself updated to what my idols are doing. i dont find th need to check twitter frequently to see what my idols are doing every single day. its like a sudden realization that i have other things in my life other than kpop. Being a hardcore kpop fan since the start, its like i'll feel empty and lost if i dont know what's their schedule for th day and i must live stream all their music shows. but then, now, even if i miss all their music shows, i actually dont really give a shyt? i find myself being able to be really happy even without kpop. i love whatever im doing right now and kpop isnt even one of them. Right now Kpop to be is probably a burden? having to keep up with their comebacks and concert is really tiring at times.
This morning i had a nice HTHT talk with bb girl about this situation of mine and she really helped alot. Im confused at who to talk to about this as i dont think anyone is facing th same problem as me other than bb girl. I've been keeping this to myself for a long while and only decided to let it out after reading bb's blog. i guess i just needed someone to talk to, to sort my feelings out and its good to know that im not th only one feeling this way. bb says that its probably a phase we are going through cause its year 3 and stuff. and to be honest, i really hope whatever she stated is right. im so glad that she's her for me at this point of a time where im so conflicted and confused with what im feeling.
after all, we spent so much time, effort and money into them. Are we willing to just give up on them just like that? that's something we cannot give an answer to, until we've tried it out.
but for now, we'll just take one step at a time. think about it slowly. and i hope things will work out as time pass by. bye~
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