death

i dont have to say much,
you all already know about Vernise's death.
its like a freak accident.
and no one knew what exactly happened.
up till now we are still lost.

she had injuries in her brain, lungs and liver.
and had to undergo 3 surgeries.
how harsh was it for her.
3 surgeries?!?!
imagine how much she had to suffer.

she passed away in th state of a coma.
3 days after her accident.
and it came as a shock to almost everyone.
even her family i'm sure.

who would have expected a 17 year old to die so young?
and her parents, they must be devastated.
to see their precious daughter pass away just like that.
and th worst thing is they themselves dont know what exactly happened.

and her brother,
whom she really loved and doted on a lot.
he looked so lost yesterday when i saw him.
disorientated.
so worried for him.
i hope he stays strong for her.
and live well for her as well.

Vernise,
a very cheerful girl since i knew her.
she alway smiles and laugh.
and always had that bimbotic voice.
she loves to spazz over angmo guys~
and how she would find one for herself when she grows up.

but then now,
she'll never have th chance to do so.
and we will never have th chance to actually see her spazz
and show off all th angmo guys she likes.

its a wonder why do we have to lose someone
to actually start cherishing those around us.
it seems like a wake up call to all of us.

i never wanted to learn how to cherish a person this way.
i didnt expect lives to be sacrificed for all of us to learn.
but i guess that's how it works.
you actually have to lose something before you start cherishing it.

i always wanted to gather with Mayflowerians.
for a meet up to catch up.
but i never thought that it would have to be at a funeral.
no one wanted to gather at a funeral.

looking at all my Mayflowerians' faces yesterday,
it was so depressing.
even those who weren't close to her cried.
what about those who were?

all th dancers that knew her through YOG or AYG,
they were also there as well.
to give their condolences to her family.

i cried th moment when i saw her face through th coffin.
she looked so different.
it was obvious that she was badly hit.
cause even through all th make up,
we could still see th bruises on her face.
and if im not wrong,
she had to shave off all her hair for th head operation.
and she had a wig on.
her bangs were gone.

but nevertheless,
she still looked pretty.
and peaceful,
in fact a bit too peaceful to my liking.
th feeling to scream at her and ask her to get up was there.
but we all know that no matter how loud we scream,
she wouldn't wake up
and come back to life.

th reality of her dead,
lifeless,
still isn't sinking in yet.
and i don't want it to sink in at all.
i don't want to accept th fact that she's gone.
gone forever.

she didn't deserve this.
she's a nice girl.
but why did God have to take her life away from her?
i don't understand.
and i never will.

right now i'm just in a state of lost.
not knowing what to do.
my heart sinks whenever i see her name,
or even news of her.

and i'm thankful,
to you girls who are reading this.
you must have dealt with my crankiness and moodiness
for th past few days.
and it isn't very pleasant.

and im grateful to Stephie,
who actually kept Vernise in her prayers.
even though she doesn't know Vernise at all.

and what i was actually shocked was that
Jiejie actually knew about it.
and she actually read my tweets
and realized that th girl who died in th accident
was actually Vernise.

i found out that there are actually people who care.
even if they dont say anything.
im thankful and grateful for all these friends who actually stayed by my side.

we all have to stay strong.
all Mayflowerians.
for Vernise and her family.
She's a cheerful and strong girl.
and i'm sure she's in a better place right now.

Rest in peace my dear girl,
you will always be remembered.
in our mind and in our hearts.